First Day // Last Day

by Angela Miller

Here’s where you should have stood
last August on your 1st day of school.

Here’s where you should have stood today
on your last day of school.

First day. Last day.
With a year of missed milestones in between.

It almost looks like the same picture—
but it’s not. The seasons have changed.
Another Fall, Winter, and Spring.
The sun is different. I’m different.
It’s a different time of year.

Almost a year has passed.
Another school year. Another year without you.

Everyone has grown,
and keeps growing.
Everyone is growing up.
Except you.

They grow up SO. FAST.
Unless they don’t grow up at all.

This is what a school year
is like for a grieving parent.
Nothing changes,
and everything changes.

Someone is always missing.

Empty porch. Empty space. Empty chair.
Always minus one.

Another school year of missed milestones.
Another year of memories not made.
Another year of memories not captured.
Another year of aching for you—
wishing you were here with me.

I can’t see how you’ve grown.
I can’t see how you’ve changed.
I’ve been robbed of the joy of watching
you grow another year older.
I’ve been robbed of the joy of watching
you grow up.

Life moves forward—
but for a grieving parent time stands still.

I’m left to keep wondering—
and wondering and wondering.
I wonder who you would be,
I wonder who you’d become.

I will never stop wondering.

I’ll always hold the space
where you should be.
I’ll always speak of you
in the present tense,
because you’re still with me,
and you always will be.

We’re sending infinite love + support to every grieving parent missing one, to every mom and dad LONGING for the milestones that should be, but aren’t. Whether it’s the grade not finished, the age not reached, the should-be birthdays, Kindergarden-8th grade-High School-College-fill-in-the-blank-Graduation, the wedding that will never be, the grandkids that will never be born— these endless missing milestones ache in ways that defy words.

And there are SO. MANY. OF. THEM.
A lifetime of missed milestones.
There just aren’t words.

Know we stand with you. Know you’re not alone.
Not now, not ever.
We see you. We’re here with you.

Our hearts ache with yours.

We feel the weight of all that you’re missing.
And we’re here to help carry the burden,
to walk with you every step of the way.

xoxo, Angela Miller

ANGELA MILLER is an internationally known writer and speaker. She is the #1 bestselling author of You Are the Mother of All Mothers and founder of the award-winning online community ABedForMyHeart.com. Angela’s article 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child has been shared over 1 million times. Her work has been widely featured in Forbes, People Magazine, Psychology Today, CBS News, Yahoo News, The Huffington Post, MPR, BlogTalk Radio, The Gottman Institute, Listen to Your Mother, and more. Angela’s writing has comforted millions of hurting hearts around the world.