Child loss is a loss like no other. One often misunderstood by many. If you love a bereaved parent or know someone who does, remember that even his or her "good" days are harder than you could ever imagine. Compassion and love, not advice, are needed. If you'd like an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime, here is what I've learned in my seven years of trekking through the unimaginable.

I am still a person like you, with a life like yours, yet not. I am still a mother like you, yet not at all like you, all at the same time. I wish there was some way you could understand me, without becoming who I am now.

You see, there’s a pain I carry, unlike any pain you carry, unless you are a bereaved mother too. This pain I carry is always there. It doesn’t nap during the day, or get safely tucked into bed at night. It follows me everywhere, it never leaves my side– like my son used to do, only grief is not cuddly, nor sweet.

A mother's love. A mother's grief. Tahlequah is every grieving mom.
If only grieving parents had this kind of support to help bear the weight of grief.
Compassionate grief support like this should be the norm. Instead it's few and far between.

Where are the human orcas for grieving parents mourning the loss of their child?

I will carry you,
Here and there,
There and here,
Until I am where you are.
: : :  a n g e l a  m i l l e r  : : :

Today I wrote a note to the mom of a 22 year old girl who died.

I wanted to say don't believe those other cards. The ones that say "time heals" and "God only takes the best" and "may your sorrows be lessened." You'll only be disappointed.

I wanted to say this is the most heart-wrenching, chest crushing, breath stealing tragedy on earth.

I wanted to tell her there will be days she wants to die, and friends who will not understand some of the things she does or says.